Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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