Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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