I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
