The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wear drunk well.
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