Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
