Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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