I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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