so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
