so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
