just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
