I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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