and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
