o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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