I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
