If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
