In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
