I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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