Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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