...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
