you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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