Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
