Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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