we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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