You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
