dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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