when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
