WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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