I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
