I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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