Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
