susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
