i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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