I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
