i just had sex bonerless
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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