Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
