brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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