Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
