tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
