I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
