There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
