Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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