i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
