Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
