I accidentally burped into my bong.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
