Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize