I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
