whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize