i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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