i think i have two assholes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
