the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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