so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
