there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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