So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
